The success stories are fun to read. Women stand up for what they believe they’re worth and have surprise reactions from wonderful employers that realize “oh yeah, now that you mention it, you are worth more.” And those stories are important. But nobody told me what happens when you try to stand up for yourself, but nobody really cares and you’re left with your tail between your legs after a solid effort.
Be Ready To Walk
I thought this phrase only applied if you make an ultimatum to an employer and threaten to quit unless things improve. I didn’t realize it works both ways.
By standing up for what you believe, whether requesting a raise or no longer tolerating doing other people’s work, or whatever Not Right things you try to put an end to… it shows that you are strong, independent, professional, not willing to stand for shit. Quite frankly, that’s unattractive to most employers. I had no idea how many businesses rely heavily on employees that follow directions and don’t ask questions. Whether standing up for yourself when you’re blamed unfairly or just asking for fair pay, that’s being “difficult” in more eyes than I realized. You’re taking attention away from work and asking for effort from other people (however fair), and people don’t like extra effort. If you stand up for yourself, you have to be ready to walk if they ask you to leave. Not that they dislike you, but if you end up causing more work for other people, they will question your worth. Unless you work for a wonderful organization that values your opinion and effort, or you do a simply irreplaceable job, you’re running the risk of drawing too much attention to yourself and being perceived as a threat — someone who may demand more than your organization wants to give. I am not saying that this is a reason to stay silent under unfair conditions. I’m saying that you might be jeopardizing your job more than you think, proceed with caution. A risk that I 100% recommend, but one that I did not calculate.
Just because you make every effort to be professional and respectful, does not mean you’ll be met halfway.
As a recent grad, I assumed that everybody knew better than me. Especially after my first wonderful job that led me to assume all jobs would be wonderful. Since then, I keep learning that just because you have watched 100 youtube videos on how to professionally request fair pay and read a bunch of articles on having serious conversations as a female in the workplace does not mean the people employing you give a damn about that stuff. While they maybe should be clear about their expectations, maybe should give you all the information and training before you begin, or maybe should respond positively to all the tactics you’re trying after your thorough research — that may not be the case. If they aren’t a huge corporation with strictly enforced standards and a common understanding that aligns with the things you’ve been reading…you’ll be left hanging. You may only get a few hours to accept/reject a job, instead of a nice week or two. They may not be willing to negotiate whatsoever. They may change the job description after hiring you and throw you off. They’re running a business and perhaps trying to manipulate you without even knowing they’re doing so. And this is SUPER HARD to navigate when you’re on the cusp of getting a job offer/promotion but feel the need to stand up for what you think you may be worth, in terms of time, tasks, or money, especially as a brand new employee.
This is where the job itself and your long-term feelings about the organization come into play. Check in with your gut feelings. Is this organization mostly good but just frustrating in this moment? Or maybe you’ve been feeling squirrelly ever since the interview and something seems off? Make the pro/con lists. See how critical the pay they’re offering actually is in relation to the work you’ll be doing, see if what they’re asking will make you more miserable or if it’s just annoying. Hell, think about feminism. Are you being unequivocally discriminated against, or worse, are many of their employees in this same situation? Perhaps it’s worth it to take a stand for the greater good?
It’s okay to “take it” if that’s the best thing for you. I REPEAT. It is OKAY to settle for shit if it’s the best thing for you in this moment.
Society has a bullying way of making us feel like “bad activists” if we’re in a position we know is bad but we don’t speak out. Here’s the deal: life is complicated and nuanced. Timing is important and circumstances are everything. It is your responsibility to weigh the factors in YOUR life first and act in the best way for you, humanity second. If losing your job right now means your children won’t eat next week or you wouldn’t be able to afford a medication, then maybe be more cautious and line up other jobs first. This applies for everything risky- coming out as lgbtq, expressing political opinions, standing up against sexual harassment.. as long as your life and safety are not directly threatened, you are not a bad person for not speaking out and taking the stands you believe in. If it is truly the best thing for you to suck it up for another year while you search for a better job- THAT IS OKAY. There is never a perfect time to do a hard thing, but there are better times than others.
On a related note, this is a good reason why I think young people with fewer responsibilities just starting out should take stands early on. There are so many people that, practically speaking, cannot speak to their beliefs. When I lost my job, coming up with rent money was rough. But it wasn’t as rough as childcare payments, a mortgage, or medical bills would have been. It sucked. Having bills to pay with no active income is terrifying. But for other’s like me, let me tell you how critically important your bravery is on behalf of changing society. It may be slow change, but you standing up for fair treatment is telling employers that people want fair treatment. And you’re doing it on behalf of those that can’t. Your twenties are prime time for getting outside your comfort zone, pursuing what you believe in, and managing to juggle few responsibilities while surviving on less. (disclaimer: it’s not OKAY for people to pay us less and yes the responsibilities are greater than we get any credit for, but compared to the average 30 & 40 year old, our load is typically lighter. obvi exceptions apply).
If you feel the enraged by your company like Talia Jane, or are making less than your male counterparts like Gaby Dunn, take a stand. It’s the only way change happens and you may inspire more people than you know. But know that those stories are the famous ones. For each one, there are just as many you don’t hear that leave someone without a job, or in a shitty position with no visible way out. My advice to you: take inventory. identify what your individual situation is, weigh the pros and cons, and do what you believe is the right thing.
Lastly, know that there is always another job. It may not come easy and may involve desperate times, but there is always another job. Especially if you feel miserable in your current position. I’m between jobs as I write this so that’s a personal mantra of hope as much as it is advice.
