loving what you do.

i’m not going to tell you, in my millennial voice, the varying shades of what it feels like to chase your professional passion.

this is my response to the dreaded comments about going to the gym. or not going to the gym. i hear them everyday and it takes will to let them slide. you know what i don’t hear everyday? the word “gym” used in any sort of positive light. are you noticing this? if think of the last 10 times i’ve heard the word “gym,” it is with dread, in relationship to the recent calorie influx someone was tracking.

while i consider myself health-conscious, i am no expert, yet i’m going to preach this because it’s my truth and what i believe to be the answer to exercise: FIND A WAY TO MOVE THAT YOU ENJOY. this isn’t a best kept secret but i rarely hear it acknowledged. is it beach walks you love? zumba? NOTICE what that thing is (or discover it if you’re yet to do so) and milk it. find what is making you smile and keep making yourself smile. force yourself to when the 3 pm slump is feeling glum. and for the love of god, stop forcing yourself to go to the gym if it is no fun.

that’s my secret. as i leave the all-understanding community in Berkeley, California, i find myself having to defend my shape on a daily basis. i’m no stick thin model, but i must appear fit to some degree because people bring it up a lot. and frankly i do not enjoy it. i don’t like being your excuse for why i am eating ice cream, please don’t claim it’s “because i have no meat on my bones.” (1. um yes i do so stop exaggerating, 2. that’s not why. it’s cause i wanted an ice cream cone damnit and that’s enough for me)

i don’t like you proclaiming that i don’t have to “worry about these things” as you discuss your gym plan over lunch. that’s an assumption and quite frankly it’s wrong. i’ve had plenty of disordered eating and weight loss and gain of my own accord and work really freaking hard to keep a healthy lifestyle full of movement and moderate eating. THAT is why i’m not worrying about the same things as you. it’s not because i’m thin. and honestly i don’t even see myself as thin. or fat. i put a ton of emotional effort into seeing myself as ME and only me, so stop with the labels please cause it took a while to shake them off.

practically speaking, i did that thing i mentioned before. i found exercise i love and realized it is super critical. i have a pretty high threshold for athleticism so i realized that i need to make an effort to fulfill that for me, not anyone else. not to be superior or be the best in my group fitness class, but because i am really, truly happy with pushing my limits- so i make an effort to do so. and i’ve also acknowledged that i am still absolutely, without a doubt, in love with gymnastics (and now circus, acrobatics, ninja warrior things). i’m going way out of my way to honor that and i’ve never been happier. it’s not a cheap form of exercise, and barely an affordable one, but i love it. like a kid, i bounce in my seat at work on days i can go train. it makes me so happy and happens to also be solid exercise. even the conditioning i do isn’t a chore. it’s getting very specific muscle groups stronger to do the skills i want to do. i’m not working out to look a certain way. sure that works as motivation for some people, but i’m going to go out on a limb and say it isn’t sustainable if you don’t love it. i workout because i have goals and want to achieve them, not just because a magazine article told me squats were a great exercise to practice.

that’s how i feel about you casually mentioning you “failed” to go to the gym this weekend. i feel like the gym is stupid and i have to bite my tongue to avoid rebuking your comments about my own appearance and how i seem impossible to relate to. all i did was find movement i loved doing, and prioritized it. i cut guilt out of the equation. i’m not expecting anything of this article, but if at some point it ends up in the hands of someone really struggling with fitness and/or someone who dismisses fit people as those that “can’t relate.” maybe think again? many fit people are fit because they chose or even fought to become so, perhaps a similar story to yours. at the very least, please stop dismissing them. us. as i’ve so nicely illustrated, i have very strong and intentional decisions as to how i’m running my life and i would love to chat about it. but it’s so difficult when i have to fight uphill against the labels that were stuck on me based on my lunch choices.

1. my one key bit of advice for becoming a regular, healthy exerciser: find what you love and prioritize it
2. assumptions hurt. and just because it’s become no thang now to make a comment about your thin friend (almost a compliment really), doesn’t mean you’re not invalidating them.